Rediscovering Me

I can remember when I was in high school being socially well-versed. My first two years, juniors and seniors took me under their wing and my group of friends ranged from athletes to science lovers and the band, choir and theatre members fell in between the bunch.  I also recall not feeling like I fit in comfortably anywhere. My interpersonal relationships there eventually and naturally faded because I could no longer relate to the people in my circle. Growing up, "fitting in" always seemed important to me, because I didn’t like to feel lonely or left out. I used to try so hard to relate to others on levels that were just simply not my experience and those moments were all short lived. What it taught me, was that trying to be someone I wasn’t for the sake of approval was exhausting and overrated.  

Toward the end of last year, I wrote a post entitled, “A Tangible Heaven.” In it, I mentioned that I was in a “season of rebuilding.” That season really was a cutting away of everything that made me comfortable. In the process, I learned to rest and remain present in my right now, trusting God through it all.  Now, with the peace of the Holy Spirit as my guide and with a greater sense of clarity, I am discovering what makes me, me.

I am woman after God’s heart. I am a nurturer and an encourager. I am a wall flower; shy and reserved. I am an observer of life and an attentive listener. I am the girl who dares to dream big dreams. I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I am the girl who loves family and quality time spent with friends. I value in depth conversations and enjoy spending my afternoons nestled in the nook of a coffeeshop. I am the girl who is on the hunt for good deals and vintage knick-knacks (like typewriters and record players). I am a creative. I am a divergent thinker. And most proudly, I am a minister of the love, grace, hope and goodness of Jesus Christ. I aspire to inspire with my words and through my life. It is the greatest message that I will ever preach, even if I never step foot on a pulpit.

I am learning that there is something really beautiful that begins to blossom externally when you choose to nurture what God has placed inside of you. In this new year, that is my personal aim.